


the lips, the teeth (the tip of the tongue)

by kkamikaze



Series: college daze [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Nothing too extreme, One Shot, Sleepy Cuddles, cursing, they kiss a lil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23673268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkamikaze/pseuds/kkamikaze
Summary: He’d almost said it, tonight.Almost.And it’s stupid, right, and it doesn’t actually matter that much, it’s not like he’s forever lost the chance to say it, but.Almost. It almost happened.(Or: 'I love you' holds a lot of weight. Jared doesn't want to fuck it up.)
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Series: college daze [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725055
Comments: 14
Kudos: 134





	the lips, the teeth (the tip of the tongue)

**Author's Note:**

> did i write this in one sitting? and by one sitting i mean while i was laying in my bed typing frantically in the 'notes' app on my phone? maybe !! (i only edited this via reading through it a couple times to format, so if there are any weird typos i apologize dsnksjdg)

There’s a lot of things working _not_ in Jared’s favor right now. His stupid overactive brain, his persisting insomnia, the distracting pattering of rain hitting the window. Just to name a few. 

He adjusts how he’s laying on the bed again and winces at the resulting creak of the bedspring underneath him. Which, of course, only sounds this loud because it’s a little past three in the morning and his boyfriend is lying in the same bed next to him, asleep. He’s really lucky that Evan is such a heavy sleeper, because if he wasn’t Jared could guarantee that he would’ve been, like, kicked out to sleep on the couch by now. 

..Okay, probably not. Evan might’ve just grumbled something passive aggressive and left it at that because he wasn’t mean enough to kick Jared out, but still. Jared would’ve kicked _himself_ out. 

He sighs deeply through his nose and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, scrunching up his nose. 

God. 

He’d almost said it, tonight. _Almost_. 

And it’s stupid, right, and it doesn’t actually matter that much, it’s not like he’s forever lost the chance to say it, but. 

Almost. It almost happened. 

Jared isn’t sure what arbitrary conditions his brain is waiting for to allow him to say it. The fact that there are made up rules existing in his brain about this topic to begin with that he doesn’t even know is also, just. Annoying in general. But at the very least, that actually isn’t a super uncommon thing for people. Arbitrary conditions. Most people like to have their first ‘I love you’ be a moment that’s Just Right, whatever that fucking means. 

They aren’t most people, though. Not in the ‘I’m not like other girls’, way, but in the sense that their relationship literally started with a fight and then impulsive kissing and then lots of _crying_ , and because neither of them have actually dated before they really just have been Winging It this entire time, and nothing they do is very Hallmark or conventional and he doesn’t know how Evan feels about it but it at least makes Jared very fucking anxious because he always feels like he’s doing it (what’s _it?_ ) wrong. Evan deserves, like, all the weird cliche butterfly feelings, but Jared isn’t good enough at talking about how he feels and he always seems to be doing the wrong thing, and it’s just. 

Frustrating. 

He loves Evan. 

And he’d like to think that Evan knows that, but Evan always thinks the worst about everything and somehow has convinced himself that _he’s_ the reacher and Jared is the settler, which is just hilariously untrue. 

They’ve been together for a little less than six months, he’s pretty sure - but a date doesn’t really matter, because not only did they never actually establish on a set day when they were ‘together’ (and even if they had, Jared is certain that between the one brain cell they share, neither of them would’ve remembered it anyway) in the grand scheme of things all it really means is how long they’ve been allowed to kiss. 

He can’t remember a time when he hasn’t known Evan. They’ve attended the same schools together for 12 years, stayed friends (with varying meanings of that word) throughout, started uni at the same place in the same year, have been roommates for two years, and now have been dating for a little less than six months. 

He’s known that he’s liked Evan since his sophomore year of high school. It feels so far away now, that point in time. 

Jared can’t pinpoint the exact moment it switched from a dumb crush to love. It was probably stupid, though. Evan was probably sitting there staring at his pre-calc homework like it was a puzzle because he refused to ask Jared for help until a certain amount of time had passed between them studying together and Jared’s stupid brain was like, “Wow, that guy? Love him.” 

But when he tells Evan that, he doesn’t want it to come out stupid. Unfortunately, in that case, that may mean Jared never actually says it. 

Anyway. 

The more he thinks about it, the more he thinks that Evan probably would’ve made fun of him if he had said it when he was going to tonight. 

They’d been watching TV and Jared asked him if they had, like, the brightness on the TV turned down because he couldn’t see it super well. And without even looking at him, Evan just said “It’s because your glasses are dirty.”

And in his defense, okay, you don’t actually realize how gross the lenses have gotten until after they’re not gross anymore, so he starts to protest that _they’re not even that bad, Ev,_ who only responds by holding his hand out. 

To which Jared tentatively gave Evan his hand. 

“Your _glasses_ ,” Evan clarified pointedly, but he was at least laughing at Jared now. 

Only because he was embarrassed now did Jared hand them over, and Evan was still snickering as he was wiping his glasses lenses off in his shirt. Jared could feel his face getting warmer. 

“You’re cute,” Evan eventually said, handing the glasses back to him. 

“You’re dumb,” Jared said back, because he still didn’t know how to respond when Evan said those kinds of things. 

“Yeah, well,” and Evan leaned back, eyes flitting back to the TV. “You love me.” 

And he of course chose the moment Jared was putting his glasses back on and could blink back at him, wide-eyed, in perfect clarity, to say that. It was like he hadn’t even had to think about it. 

_I do. Love you_. 

He didn’t say that. Because of course he didn’t. He snorted, and leaned back too, and hoped Evan was either not looking or choosing to ignore how red Jared’s face was. 

It came to Evan so effortlessly. Like he didn’t even have to think about it. 

Which, y’know, when Jared thinks about it, Evan probably had meant that as a joke anyway and hadn’t really expected Jared to say anything back. Because, again, although he was a big fan of Evan, he wasn’t as big of a fan of Evan’s _brain_ that for some reason got the idea that he was inherently unloveable stuck somewhere in there. 

The rain hitting the window gets faster for a few seconds, and then slows. Jared stares up at the ceiling and tries to ignore the weight starting to settle in his chest. 

What if he can’t say it? What if it’s just that he _shouldn’t_? 

Evan stirs next to him, and Jared is taken away from his own thoughts to turn his head and look at him. He’s been laying facing away from Jared, but now was shifting to turn towards him, and then he yawned, and then much to Jared’s surprise, he opened his eyes. 

Which means they meet eyes instantly. Jared hopes Evan doesn’t think he was, like.. watching him sleep. 

“Hi,” Evan says after a moment of Jared not saying anything. His voice is so small. Sleepy. It makes Jared’s heart do something weird. 

“Hi,” Jared says back. Evan kind of looks at him for a second, eyes blinking slowly like he’s trying to adjust to being awake and being in the dark at the same time. 

Almost like it’s just now hitting him, Evan furrows his brow a little. “You’re awake.” 

“Mm.” 

“You okay?” 

Jared nods, shifting a little so he was on his side towards Evan instead of on his back. He puts an arm in between them. “Yeah. Just couldn’t fall asleep.” 

Evan’s face slackens a little at that, but he still frowns. “Oh.” He reaches out and traces a hand up Jared’s arm until he can rest his hand on top of his. “M’sorry.” 

“S’okay.” 

That probably could’ve been the end of that, but Evan doesn’t roll back over to go back to sleep. He sort of traces around Jared’s knuckles for a second, which Jared watches in intrigue because it feels a little weird, but eventually Evan just takes Jared’s hand and tugs his arm towards him. Which makes him laugh and raise his brows. 

“What?” 

“C’mere,” despite how slightly frustrated the action _feels_ because he’s _tugging_ him, Evan’s expression is still soft, and the murmur sounded more like he was inviting Jared rather than telling him to scoot closer. 

Regardless, it still makes Jared’s heart hitch in his chest. Wordlessly, he scoots closer and Evan lets go of his hand to hold his own arms out. (The bedspring hardly creaks at all. Which is probably a weird thing to be annoyed about.) 

They end up with their legs tangled and Evan with an arm around Jared’s waist and the other under Jared’s head. 

It’s dark in the room and Jared doesn’t have his glasses on, so there’s absolutely _no_ reason why he pointedly cannot look at Evan’s face because it feels like looking at something too bright. I.e., the fucking _sun._

Too intimate, his brain rationalizes. His heart might go out. He’s doing this for his own health. Survival instinct. Duh. Absently, his fingers fidget with the collar of Evan’s shirt (Evan’s in the sense that Evan is the one wearing it - Jared isn’t actually 100% sure that it isn’t his own). 

But because he apparently likes living a life of danger, he does eventually pull his eyes up. Evan hadn’t been looking at him - he thinks he’s been watching Jared’s hands fiddle with his shirt - and when Jared moves Evan’s eyes flit up. 

They don’t say anything for a second. Jared can feel his face getting hotter, but the silence isn’t, like. Bad. 

He moves a hand up and lightly pokes Evan’s cheek. “What are you looking at?” 

Evan immediately grins, toothy and sleepy and _dumb_ , and leans just ever so slightly closer. “You,” he says it like it’s a secret. Jared can’t stop his flush _or_ his grin, now. 

“Me,” he meant to say it like a question. 

“ _You_ ,” Evan says again, more of a lilt in his voice, and it makes Jared burst into this stupid series of giggles. 

“I — pfft, _shh—_ “ Jared had meant to say _shut up_ , but that doesn’t come out either, because he’s laughing and he’s tired and it’s sometime past three in the morning and words are _hard_ , okay _._ Evan’s grin widens. He kisses him once, twice. 

“Why are you shushing me?” He asks, against Jared’s mouth, and at this point he’s probably going to be kissing his _teeth_ because Jared can’t make himself _stop_. “You’re the one being noisy,” it’s not just Jared’s fault, though, because Evan is also smiling into it. 

Eventually Jared stops being a dumbass long enough to actually sort of kiss Evan back. It isn’t rushed, and Evan’s hand is trailing up his side and Jared’s can feel Evan’s pulse under his hand from where it’s resting against his neck and it’s. It’s good. 

Every so often they’ll open their eyes and pull apart just barely, just enough to sort of.. _look_ , Jared doesn’t know why it happens but it does and then one of them will smile and the other has to lean back in.

Jared loves him. 

It repeats like a mantra in his head because moments like these make it so overwhelmingly crystal clear in his mind. He loves him. He _loves_ him. 

Evan pecks him on his mouth one last time, and then his cheek, and then his temple. Jared settles against him. He can feel Evan’s cheek lightly pressed against his head, can still feel his pulse from where Jared’s hand is flush against his chest.. 

The rain is hitting the window and their breaths are starting to slow again. Evan’s hand traces some methodical pattern along his side. And Jared loves him. 

His heart aches a little in his chest. Enough so that he feels the need to open his mouth. 

“Hey, uh,” he starts, and Evan’s hand stops moving as an acknowledgement that he’s listening. “I, um.” 

Wait, _shit_ , fuck, _abort, abort_ —

Evan doesn’t say anything, doesn’t press him with a _‘well_...?’ even after Jared hasn’t said anything, but he still waits. Jared can feel his throat closing up immediately. Fuck. 

“I.” He closes his eyes tight, even though it’s not like Evan can even see his face right now. Lets go of a shaky breath. “I.. you. Y’know.” 

_Fucking stupid_ his brain remarks, and Jared clamps his mouth shut after that. God _damn_ it. He doesn’t understand why it’s so hard to say when he means it _so much_ , it doesn’t make sense, why can’t he just—

“Yeah,” Evan says, eventually cutting through the silence. He smooths a rumple down in Jared’s shirt. “I know.” 

Jared swallows thickly. Right. He assumes that’s just Evan’s sleepy filler response, because he wants to go back to sleep and not try and coax a real explanation out of Jared tonight. 

But then a softer, “me too,” makes Jared blink wide-eyed again. 

It sounds sheepish. Like Evan hopes that they’re on the same page but isn’t quite sure. It’s familiar.

..And it makes Jared want to laugh, because. Of course. Somehow Evan is simultaneously always the best and worst at reading him. 

Jared wants to make sure, obviously, that they _are_ on the same page, but it’s probably almost four in the morning, now. He should at least make an effort to sleep. He should let Evan _go back_ to sleep. 

“I’m glad,” Jared manages quietly, and after a few seconds he feels Evan relax against him again. 

It might not be tonight, but he’ll tell him. 

Evan hums and presses a kiss to his hair. 

It won’t really be a confession, Jared thinks, as the weight of the hour finally seems to sink in and allow his eyes to close. It’ll be more like a reassurance. A more direct and verbal version of something that he’s been saying through literally every other means for a while. 

The last thing he ends up thinking about as he starts to doze off is how it felt for Evan to kiss him while they were sleepy and tangled together and laughing over nothing. The squeezing in his chest, the butterflies, the overwhelming senselessness of how much he wanted to tell him that he loved him, he loved him, _he loved him_. 

Jared hopes that’s at least close to what ‘me too’ meant.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for readin' loves :DD come bother me on tumblr @/kkamikazed


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